if only they would stop making us shoot ourselves!

Assuming anyone were reading this, I would ask: "Have any of the vast numbers of people reading this seen the "Mormon" episode of South Park? The one with the song about Joseph Smith?" And then many of you would laugh, and say, "Oh yeah, that was a funny show," or something like that. Anyway, where was I?

Charles Lane, America's Dumbest Editorial Page: "Europe’s role in U.S. gun culture"

Charles Lane, he wrote a column, dum dum dum dum dum...

Shorter:

How can Europeans bemoan American gun culture when they're the ones who keep forcing us to buy their sweet, sweet guns? In fact, I think Europe was the real shooter here!

Exhibiting the same sober, reasoned line of thinking that blames dirt poor coca farmers in Colombia every time some rich white American kid ODs on coke, Charles believes that the real gun problem in America is not that we keep buying them or that nobody seems to have the brains or balls to push for proper regulation of them, but that these damn furriners keep selling them to us. No need to have a serious discussion about our total lack of firearm regulations, or our broken mental and behavioral health system! James Holmes was carrying a Glock, so it's all Europe's fault! This is actually orders of magnitude more stupid than blaming violent movies or video games for these kinds of shootings, and that's already really, really stupid.

Say nothing of the fact that it's not European gun manufacturers' responsibility to forego a marketplace because that marketplace has a batshit insane culture about their product. You don't expect McDonalds to refuse service to anybody with a BMI over 20, do you? What really takes us into the realm of the colossally stupid is that, while Holmes did have a couple of Glocks, the first two weapons he used in the massacre were an American-made shotgun and an American-made assault rifle! It was only after his AR-15 jammed (damn you shoddy American workmanship!) that he finally switched to the Glock. So add "The Actual Facts of the Case" and "Economics" to the List of Things Charles Lane Writes About Without Knowing Anything About Them.

A prohibitive tariff on weapons from Europe wouldn’t end U.S. gun violence, but it might reduce risks at the margin.

No, seriously, it wouldn't. It might strengthen the domestic gun industry though, so, um, woo-hoo? USA? USA?

The last line is my favorite; after noting that the EU has already restricted sales of sodium thiopental to America since it is used for lethal injections (Chuck never passes up an opportunity to bitch about somebody interfering with his favorite pasttime, killing criminals), Lane notes that Holmes might face the death penalty, but that, because of the sodium thiopental restrictions, "Thank goodness his blood wouldn’t be on Europe’s hands." Wow. All this time, these shooting massacres have just been European bullies playing "stop hitting yourself" with poor, innocent America. Um, USA? USA?